If by chance you have checked in or even thought about me and were concerned that I had lost the staring contest and that my stuff had gotten the better of me, you were wise to be concerned. I have been facing those big old eyeballs daily and even hourly lately it seems.
God knows and He is doing something, of course I wish I knew what and how long it would take, but I don't and really I don't need to...he's got my back. Easy to say right? But not so easy to live when it's coming at you from all directions - really! I have been struggling so much in the past few weeks that I can't even begin to anticipate what is coming.
I suspect that most of us understand what it is go through a 'season'. We have seasons of joy, anticipation, fear, challenge, drought, love, adventure and the list goes on. It is possible to have multiple seasons occurring all at the same time as well apparently - exhausting, but possible. That can be a little hairy depending on what they are. I feel like that is where I am right now....I am in a multi-season season!
My current list of seasons looks something like this.....
Season of What? aka Season of Will He Make it to His Teen Years?
Season of Mental-Pause
Season of Why Can't I Find Something Happy to Think About?
Season of Where Can I Escape the Stress?
Season of How Can I Produce More Hours in My Day?
Season of When Do I Get to Rest?
Season of Why is Everything So Hard Right Now?
You get the gist of it.....I am weary and some of it I have no ability to do a stinking thing about. This is where the overwhelmed feeling that has had me down enters in oh so easily.
The past few weeks are a blur of one 'attack' on top of another, in fact the enemy has orchestrated them so beautifully that at times they were overlapping. Truly I have felt chest pains and even what I think may have been panic attacks, but somehow I find myself able this morning to sit and share some of the darkness with you. Somehow? No not somehow, by His Grace Alone am I able to sit here and pour out some of the mania that has been going on inside me.
It occurs to me as I type, that this probably sounds like a lunatic rant and won't make sense to anyone and that I should scrub this post and start all over again with a less crazed and more uplifting topic, but then I suspect, that is just what the enemy wants me to think. I have promised to be transparent here and so in the interest of doing just that and keeping it real.....I will not hit the delete button. However, I would love to know either in the comments section or email if you prefer to be less transparent that somehow in some way, some of this made some sense to someone. We all need validation....I'm just saying.
In other news......indulge me while I share a few moments of thanks....
Gifts 11 thru 14
*11* A simple and sweet Valentine's Day with the 2 people I love the most. A thoughtful gift from My Prince...he had 2of my mother's rings sized for me. So Sweet!
*12* The fun we are having watching our puppy grow via emailed pictures and videos......
Meet Shiloh (Hebrew for God's gift), he is a tri-colored Papillon. Shiloh is 4 weeks old and has already stolen our hearts! He is currently residing in The Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee and will be coming to home in 4 weeks time.
*13* The pleasure of seeing a sweet friend this past weekend who no longer lives local and is beautifully pregnant with her first child. This little man will make me 'Grand-Mama Leisha'.
*14* Reading through the bible over coffee in the early morning with My Prince each day. God is so good to give me a husband who embraces Him!
Thank You Father, that regardless of the season I find myself in, You are with me and watching over me. You know the days to come and I can rest in the fact that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I will put my trust in You Lord, to lead me, to guide me, to guard and love me through all of life's seasons and to equip me for what is to come. I trust Lord, that You will use these seasons for Your purposes and I am humbled to be able to play even a small part in that. In Jesus' sweet name. Amen.
Lest you think I have already forgotten my plan to count my gifts, I wanted to take a few quiet moments this morning to share with you the things that I have been thankful for this week.
*4* Happy Tuesday Flowers.....
*5* A good cell signal in the middle of nowhere! Thank You Lord for keeping My Prince !
*6* Lunch with a new friend and sharing the excitement of their adoption progress- I am praying for y'all!! ;-)
*7* Puppies being born.....only 8 weeks to choose a name, you would think I would have that figured out after a 20 year wait!!!
Please feel free to offer suggestions for our new little boy;-)
*8* Anticipating a long overdue evening with a sweet friend and her daughter - homemade pizza, comfy clothes and hanging out and catching up!!!
*9* Sunshine after days and days and days of rain.
*10* Answered prayers and a place of peace about the situation - Lord You are SO GOOD!!
I loved the book from the moment I saw it. I have a thing for birds and nests and well, blue and speckledy eggs just quite simply make me happy. I really have an even bigger thing for books. So from the moment I saw the book cover I was drawn to it. The fact that the author was a fellow Canadian added another element of interest and appeal, the fact that she was a blogger who I had visited on occasion and was also a homeschooling mom were gravy to an already done deal.
So I got the book....and as I often do with books that I have to have, it sat a while on the bookshelf. I looked at it and admired it, I picked it up and leafed through it here and there. It even changed locations in the house once or twice. But read it? No, not quite yet. I owned the book for maybe 6 months, maybe longer before I actually began the process of reading it. Why? Well, I expect that it was the same thing that often stops me from moving forward ....fear.
Afraid of a book? Yep you betcha! You see if you read it and you learn something then you are accountable right? And accountability is hard sometimes and hard is scary. I am hoping I am not alone in this meandering path of thinking and reasoning.
I read the book in my morning quiet time over the course of about a month. It is not a tube of Pringles kind of book that get gobbled up fairly quickly, no it is more of a bag of Dove Chocolates that you savor and indulge in over time.
For those who are not familiar with the book or it's intent, allow me to enlighten you a little...One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp grew out of a dare from a friend to intentionally count the things in life that she had to be grateful for. The book examines the position and condition of our hearts and helps us to see ways to gratitude and in the process life changing perspective. It is good. We all have much to be thankful for, if you are reading this post now, you are truly one of the fortunate, it means you are connected to provision in your life that many in the world will never know. Great book - put it on your reading list for this year and read it - nuff said.
I have started my list many times and failed miserably at keeping up with it, so I am bringing it here to a place of accountability and hoping that in some small way I can inspire you to begin to enter in to a place of gratitude along with me. I really believe this is a crucial key to unlocking the door to victory for many of us in many different ways in our lives. I do truly love an adventure and nothing makes for a merry one more than a happy group of companions all set on the same course!
So without any further fanfare ......Here dear ones my list begins (again...sigh)....
*1* I am grateful that as we approach our 8th Anniversary that we still miss each other daily when we are apart and just the other day commented about how it's still giggly newlywed feeling love so much of the time - what an huge blessing that is daily!!
*2* For the ability God is giving me to move through my fears and gently force myself through to where He wants me.
*3* That I have a family who loves me and supports me through all the craziness that I bring into our lives.....you guys rock!! :-)
Have you read the book? Started a list? Want to? PLEASE share a comment about something for which you can give thanks! If I come across any of my old and abandoned lists, I will add them in as well.
