Saturday, February 2, 2013

Marriage 101 .....The Series....Part II

I know what it's like to be in a marriage and feel trapped and unhappy, hopeless even.  More than once during my first marriage, I was locked out of the house, left at various locations to make my own way home without transportation or resources and even dialed the crisis hot line number more than once - I do understand hard and hopeless - really I do. At this time in my life, I was acclimating to a new country, city and working toward building a life here for myself.  I had no family and only a few 'new' friends who I was not yet at the 'fall apart openly' stage with...these were extremely tough times! I slept in my mini van one night at 6 months pregnant in a Winn Dixie parking lot, because I was locked out and had no other options.   I very clearly remember one Sunday in July or August (dog days of summer in Alabama regardless) getting into an argument at a restaurant after church - he took his 2 boys and left me with the baby and the diaper bag.  I was in heels and it was hot.  My son was 10.1 lbs at birth, he was just a few months old at this time.  I walked home (just over 4 miles), in my heels and the heat carrying my little chunk, a loaded diaper bag and my purse - great memories!
My mouth got me in trouble that day and many other days, it still does, not as much but it still happens.  In any case,  I can't go back and look through a crystal ball and say that if I had done this or that then things would have turned out differently, perhaps they would have, I will never know that.  
 My point here is this, I was in church, learning to walk with God, trying to do things better, but sin was still infecting my life.  I had not yet allowed Him full access.  In my mind I was justified in shooting off my mouth on these kind of occasions.....that man left me high and dry with a baby, in the Alabama heat and sent an awful message to his two boys in the process.  In my mind that day, I was very righteous in my anger.  Was.  I see now that my anger and the mouth it flowed from were just as responsible for my circumstances as anything was.  
Photo Credit
That was over 10 years ago friends and I would not consider myself transparent here if I didn't fess up and tell you that today that little flapping piece of pink flesh is still getting me in trouble and still one of my greatest struggles.  The good news is that I don't struggle as often and I have not taken any unplanned walks or been intentionally locked out of the house in that time either.  Now some of that may be me and what I have allowed God to do in me during the past 10 years, some the fact that I am longer in that relationship, either way, I have learned a little about the power of the tongue and the damage it can do!  The one thing that I do know has been a contributing factor is my relationship with the Creator of it all.  He has so kindly and lovingly and patiently showed me over the years how I hurt myself and those around me when I spout off without thinking.  He has taught me how to come to Him when I need strength that I do not have in my own flesh.  He has been the shelter in the many storms and gifted me with new perspective with which to grow and change to become more a reflection of Him.
It really is all about perspective, you have to change your vantage point if you want the view to change.  I personally don't know a better way  to make that happen than to enter into a deeper relationship with God.  Lord knows, I tried other things for many years, but never came to a place of peace or satisfaction like I have since I  have allowed Jesus to fill my heart with His Love and Goodness.
If I had not taken the path I have; walked the hard walks, spent the nights locked out, gotten to the point of desperation to make  crisis calls, would I be here today sharing my heart with you?  No, I don't think so.  It was those things that led me to the One who came to Save me and He has!  It is only through that relationship that I feel remotely equipped to be typing these words today.  
He saves.  He saved me.  He can save you too.  He loves you.  He wants your marriage to thrive.  He will help you. Invite Him in to help.  Upgrade His access.  I don't know much, but this I do know.  He came for these reasons alone...for you and for me.
If you are in a place of trial today and need to see a pin prick of light in the darkness before you....speak His name and ask for His help....He is there...waiting.  Ask Him what your nest step should be.  A kind word, an unexpected apology for a past hurt, reach out and make yourself vulnerable.... it is scary but it is necessary to find the healing and wholeness we seek.  These are the first steps to seeing marriages healed and thriving!
 2 Corinthians 12:9 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)
But he told me: “My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I will brag even more about my weaknesses in order that Christ’s power will live in me


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