If by chance you have checked in or even thought about me and were concerned that I had lost the staring contest and that my stuff had gotten the better of me, you were wise to be concerned. I have been facing those big old eyeballs daily and even hourly lately it seems.
God knows and He is doing something, of course I wish I knew what and how long it would take, but I don't and really I don't need to...he's got my back. Easy to say right? But not so easy to live when it's coming at you from all directions - really! I have been struggling so much in the past few weeks that I can't even begin to anticipate what is coming.
I suspect that most of us understand what it is go through a 'season'. We have seasons of joy, anticipation, fear, challenge, drought, love, adventure and the list goes on. It is possible to have multiple seasons occurring all at the same time as well apparently - exhausting, but possible. That can be a little hairy depending on what they are. I feel like that is where I am right now....I am in a multi-season season!
My current list of seasons looks something like this.....
Season of What? aka Season of Will He Make it to His Teen Years?
Season of Mental-Pause
Season of Why Can't I Find Something Happy to Think About?
Season of Where Can I Escape the Stress?
Season of How Can I Produce More Hours in My Day?
Season of When Do I Get to Rest?
Season of Why is Everything So Hard Right Now?
You get the gist of it.....I am weary and some of it I have no ability to do a stinking thing about. This is where the overwhelmed feeling that has had me down enters in oh so easily.
The past few weeks are a blur of one 'attack' on top of another, in fact the enemy has orchestrated them so beautifully that at times they were overlapping. Truly I have felt chest pains and even what I think may have been panic attacks, but somehow I find myself able this morning to sit and share some of the darkness with you. Somehow? No not somehow, by His Grace Alone am I able to sit here and pour out some of the mania that has been going on inside me.
It occurs to me as I type, that this probably sounds like a lunatic rant and won't make sense to anyone and that I should scrub this post and start all over again with a less crazed and more uplifting topic, but then I suspect, that is just what the enemy wants me to think. I have promised to be transparent here and so in the interest of doing just that and keeping it real.....I will not hit the delete button. However, I would love to know either in the comments section or email if you prefer to be less transparent that somehow in some way, some of this made some sense to someone. We all need validation....I'm just saying.
In other news......indulge me while I share a few moments of thanks....
Gifts 11 thru 14
*11* A simple and sweet Valentine's Day with the 2 people I love the most. A thoughtful gift from My Prince...he had 2of my mother's rings sized for me. So Sweet!
*12* The fun we are having watching our puppy grow via emailed pictures and videos......
Meet Shiloh (Hebrew for God's gift), he is a tri-colored Papillon. Shiloh is 4 weeks old and has already stolen our hearts! He is currently residing in The Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee and will be coming to home in 4 weeks time.
*13* The pleasure of seeing a sweet friend this past weekend who no longer lives local and is beautifully pregnant with her first child. This little man will make me 'Grand-Mama Leisha'.
*14* Reading through the bible over coffee in the early morning with My Prince each day. God is so good to give me a husband who embraces Him!
Thank You Father, that regardless of the season I find myself in, You are with me and watching over me. You know the days to come and I can rest in the fact that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I will put my trust in You Lord, to lead me, to guide me, to guard and love me through all of life's seasons and to equip me for what is to come. I trust Lord, that You will use these seasons for Your purposes and I am humbled to be able to play even a small part in that. In Jesus' sweet name. Amen.