My first marriage was doomed from the start, but of course I was too blind to see that. I have no desire to dwell on regrets - wasted energy in my opinion. I will say this, I was young(ish) 30 years old at the time, I was deceived in many pretty major ways by the man I was to marry and most importantly, I was not walking with God at that time in my life....I did not yet know. Not too hard to read that writing on the wall from my current perspective, but then I was clueless.
We were married for 8 years, 10 months and 16 days (I calculated this as I prepared this post as I am about to celebrate my 8th anniversary a second time and I get curious about things like that...). The last 2 years of my first marriage were spent in divorce, primarily in court, chaos and oh so much drama. This was one of if not 'the' hardest times in my life. As a single mom I learned so very much in the School of Hard Knocks in which I found myself automatically enrolled during this time.
Many good things came out of those 8 years, 10 months and 16 days. It brought me to Alabama from my lifelong home in Canada - I had cats, he had kids, the cats and I made the move..... I love living in The South Y'all! I came to know my Lord & Savior during that time as well.....this is The Bible Belt after all. And last but absolutely not least, I have a beautiful son who was born out of that union. God really can take what the enemy means for evil and turn it to good !! And I wish I could locate the scripture reference for that to share with you - I was thinking Romans 8:28, but that doesn't seem completely right....help a sister out if you know the one I am thinking of ok? Thanks. But I digress...
Many not so good things came out of those 8 years, 10 months and 16 days as well. Wounds that run very deep which to this day I continue to pray for healing of. My self image/worth was completely destroyed during that time, I lost myself almost entirely. Damage to the way I related to people in general and even more so how I viewed men. God's goodness (I am one of His favorites by the way...nannie nannie boo boo ;-)) brought me an amazing man...My Prince....who is nothing at all like the one who lied, who hurt me and caused so much pain. He is a man of stellar character, patient (amazingly so at times - bless him), kind, gentle, honest and loves me like crazy! There is that principle at work again - evil turned to good - in this case - turned to supercalifrajalistic!
I tell My Boy (who is now 11 years old and already taller than his mama!!) all the time, that hurt people hurt people when he is struggling to make sense of the things that his dad does or does not do. I won't even begin to dig into that today - there is an plethora of posting that is bound to come out of that as well.
I for one feel that there is accountability and responsibility that comes with understanding and wisdom. This blog was birthed out of that belief, I will say it over and over no doubt, that if these posts help just one that is more than enough, and the reason I feel called to be here doing this baring and sharing when it is hard. Even when I really don't want to because I am scared of the transparency it will at times require and I don't know what to make for dinner tonight and I need to start a load of laundry and what will people think of me? and the dishwasher needs to be emptied and there is the history test and the math lessons and on and on and on.....It is hard, but it is so very worth it!
I certainly don't do it alone and never could. God has given me a heart to reach out to the hurt out of my healing and with His help and guidance, it is my prayer that I can help you see that even in the yuck He can perform miracles....my life is truly a testimony of that...in progress.